Update on The Next Chapter

I restarted my blog when I found out that I had cancer. According to the Doctor it is incurable cancer. I felt like this was the beginning of a new chapter in the life of Sharon and Doug Baskin. This chapter began in June. It has been three months since this chapter began and I felt that it might be a good time to share with you the status or an update on where we are in this chapter.

Three months ago I had to have a waste basket near me at all times because I was coughing up blood. I could not safely drive because I might experience a coughing fit and find myself unable to control a car. I could not attend church services or even my small group gatherings because of the coughing fits and pain from the cancer. I tried to work but could not last more than an hour due to fatigue. I was either in bed or my recliner 24/7. Most of the time it was the bed so I could use my cpap machine to aid my breathing. I could not walk up the stairs from the basement without stopping to catch my breath. I walked around the house in order to have the shortest incline to traverse to get into the house. I had only certain foods that I could tolerate and my cravings were for some very strange dishes. Now I don't know of any food that I can't tolerate and the quantities and frequency of my partaking of these dishes has increased. My weight dropped from about 220 to 178 three months ago. At my height the 178 was more desirable but the means to drop the weight is not for the best. My weight today was 194. I can almost comfortably wear my old slacks today. My left lung was full of fluid and today none exists. Three months ago we could not think about going to a restaurant to eat and now we eat out three times a week or more with no problem. I had hair three months ago and now I barely have any.....but I can live with that as my hair was not one of my better features.

My doctor was ecstatic about my progress the past two visits and while he did not comment on my prognosis he was very pleased with the impact the chemo had on my cancer. He also credited the Good Lord for His part in my progress. This all leads me to where my mind has been this week. For the past few weeks I have been so excited about my improved condition. I was able to work full days and just really have been feeling great. I would find that I could forget about the cancer for hours each day at work. I found that I would be planning for events months out as if I knew I would be able to participate. I was living my life as if the cancer did not exist and I could do about what I wanted and not worry about any limitations the disease might present.

Yesterday I began to have a reality check. My mind was full of negative thoughts about my disease and my prognosis. Who was I kidding?? At any moment this cancer was going to rear it's ugly head and end my euphoric feelings. I had a struggle all day at work..(somehow I was able to function pretty good despite these intervening thoughts) with where I was and what I would be facing in the future. Fear entered the thought process and I began to worry about the unknown things I would face in the days ahead. It took a lot of soul searching and deep thinking to settle this issue I was battling.

I realized that my disease is incurable by modern medical means. Any progress I experienced was a combination of medical treatment (as my Dr. said) and the Good Lord having His hand on my shoulder. The lady I work with pointed out to me today that we are all terminal and it is just a matter of when and by what means we will leave this world. All of us will not live to be full of years and die a peaceful death. Some will die young, some will die by means we deem to be unfair...the point being we all will die, but we do not know when. As a man of faith I am told in the Bible that it is better to die and be with Jesus than to live on this earth. I am also told that I have a purpose and I will not leave this world until that purpose is accomplished. If I desire to not fulfill my purpose for this life then perhaps I will end my time on earth prematurely? I don't know all the answers but I know my days are numbered as are yours. Each of us has an appointed time to die and we cannot control this time. To believe otherwise is to believe that we all live and die by chance. We live longer if we are very careful and don't put ourselves in risky situations (why then do we drive cars?).

So where am I today after all this deep thinking, etc. I went to the Doctor today and he insisted that I attend a cancer support gathering tomorrow to be attended by many survivors and many battling the disease today. He said that I should go if for no other reason than to give others hope because of my progress. He kind of planted a seed in my mind that this may be my purpose in having this disease. To help others who are fighting cancer and to give them hope. The Bible tells us that we may suffer so that we can help others later on who suffer from the same malady. I have always believed this. I have known people who lost a spouse at an early age who later helped others through this same tragedy. I also know that I have heard from people everywhere about my disease and how I am doing etc. and I have blown their minds with my faith and attitude about where I am in this journey. Most are surprised that I am not camped out at the Mayo Clinic or M.D. Anderson in order to get cutting edge medical treatment. I answer them with the fact that I had a peace about my great Doctors and Nurses at Longstreet Clinic and feel they are giving me the best treatment. This peace came from my Father in Heaven who directs my steps and leads me down the path He chooses. My strength and my improvement comes from God. He may use my Doctors and the meds to aid in this, but it is His choice that I have improved. My purpose is to tell others what is happening and to maintain my optimism and my faith even if things turn for the worst.

The bottom line is I really don't know what will happen tomorrow or next week. It truly is a one day at a time situation. I must rejoice each day that I can get up and feel pretty good. I must thank Him that I can go to work and play a meaningful role in our business and be of service to those I work with and for. I should have praise always on the tip of my tongue that I can drive to work and go to a restaurant when I desire...that I can attend church and gather with my friends. I should overflow with happiness that I have been able to spend quality time with my family the past few weeks. As I consider my blessings the fact that I can sit and write this blog (of great length) should bring joy to my being. God has blessed this old man, riddled with cancer and not given a great prognosis. I have been blessed beyond measure. If I should leave this world next week, I can say that I have seen the Lord do a mighty work in my life during this new chapter.

As many have said in the past..."Cancer is the worst thing that has ever happened to my but it is the best thing that has ever happened to me." I can truly say this though I am not sure I would want to face this disease if I had a choice. I can truly say the past three months of this new chapter have been full of a variety of emotions, of discouragement and more importantly it has been full of victories. I say thank you first to the Lord for His hand on me through this ordeal. I thank my family (especially Sharon) for being there for me each moment. For my friends as you have been a great encouragement to me and especially for your prayers that go up for us each day. I thank my employer for standing by us through this time and all those I work with for taking up the slack in my absence and finally to the Doctors and Nurses at Longstreet clinic for caring for me and doing all they can to make me comfortable and give us hope. It will be interesting to see an update three months from now. I have no idea where I will be or how I will be but I think I can say that I will be where God chooses and I will know that it is His will and I will be satisfied that I am doing what I should be to fulfill my purpose for the rest of my days.